This week was my first true first week. Confused? I started as a mid year teacher last year and never really experienced the beginning of school jitters at the actual beginning of school. To say that I was nervous is a complete understatement.
One – I couldn’t sleep the night before.
Two – I now have first block prep or on the first day, a whole prep to panic and sweat
Three – I thought I forgot how to teach (luckily, I did not).
The amount of panic I actually feel towards all the “teaching stuff” i.e. anything but actually being in front of the room, is boggling me. Why are lesson plans so hard right now? Why can’t I make a smartnotes file!? Why is constructing a homework assignment taking me an hour? Why are my goals and objectives so muddled – I wrote the curriculum for this course last year and I already taught THIS EXACT SAME CLASS! Why can’t I learn any of my students names – I mean I have one class full of Sam’s, Nicole’s and Stephanie’s so the odds are in my favor.
Basically, I’m a wreck. Thankfully, when I get in front of the students it goes away but the problem is I need the planning to be solid to have a solid block. I just don’t know why every little task feels so large and I feel so inadequate and overwhelmed.
Blues of a half new first year impossible to adjust to a new schedule-classroom teacher? The panic and anxiety are starting to wear me down and this could be a truly long year if I don’t get myself in check early. So perhaps this is just a vent post on how I need to maybe take a few more deep breaths and drink more tea…
I can NEVER sleep before the first day of school, and this is my 20th year. Get used to it. ;-)
Definitely take deep breaths and drink tea! But stick to decaffeinated kinds after 6 PM. A glass of wine in the evening (red is what I like) helps you relax and is good for your heart.
A few years ago I wrote a blog post about my first half-year teaching. You might be interested in it:
http://teawithbuzz.wordpress.com/2008/06/22/long-distance-mentoring/
*HUGS* and get in touch if you need someone to talk to! I’m @MsPoodry on Twitter.
I am feeling the same way. Piles of start of year paperwork (homeroom forms, IEP’s, new policies galore) so do not help me find my focus at the beginning of the year. I spent yesterday afternoon staring at a new to me textbook going “which problems do I give for homework??” because there was no way I had the energy to write an assignment and I couldn’t find a neat review section. We are all right there with you, so I hope next week is better for everyone!
Exactly! One of the reasons I love blogging and twitter is I really don’t feel like a bad teacher or alone. Thanks Tina, cuz I literally starred at my desk for an hour yesterday then got up and went home defeated. I need focus and just have so many of those little things… Glad to hear I’m in good company with you guys!
I’ve got over a year in, but this is my first year starting out as The Classroom Teacher for the whole year too. I’m so nervous and just can’t get my groove… any day now…. Good luck!!
I just wanted to say I really like following your blog. I am a three-year teacher now, but I still have days where I am heading to school just an anxious freak about the things I need to get done in the morning before the kids come. It is crazy how nervous you can be, but when you are face-to-face with the students, the focus gets there and all things work out… maybe not smoothly… but they work out.
I took yours and others lead with the virtual filing cabinet. Thanks for sharing all you do!