This week was my first true first week. Confused? I started as a mid year teacher last year and never really experienced the beginning of school jitters at the actual beginning of school. To say that I was nervous is a complete understatement.
One – I couldn’t sleep the night before.
Two – I now have first block prep or on the first day, a whole prep to panic and sweat
Three – I thought I forgot how to teach (luckily, I did not).
The amount of panic I actually feel towards all the “teaching stuff” i.e. anything but actually being in front of the room, is boggling me. Why are lesson plans so hard right now? Why can’t I make a smartnotes file!? Why is constructing a homework assignment taking me an hour? Why are my goals and objectives so muddled – I wrote the curriculum for this course last year and I already taught THIS EXACT SAME CLASS! Why can’t I learn any of my students names – I mean I have one class full of Sam’s, Nicole’s and Stephanie’s so the odds are in my favor.
Basically, I’m a wreck. Thankfully, when I get in front of the students it goes away but the problem is I need the planning to be solid to have a solid block. I just don’t know why every little task feels so large and I feel so inadequate and overwhelmed.
Blues of a half new first year impossible to adjust to a new schedule-classroom teacher? The panic and anxiety are starting to wear me down and this could be a truly long year if I don’t get myself in check early. So perhaps this is just a vent post on how I need to maybe take a few more deep breaths and drink more tea…